I feel like the last thing I want to do right now is to relive the pain from yesterday. But, to share it is to let it go.
The morning started with the first post-op visit to my surgeon/ENT. I told him I'd been feeling so sick and in a lot of pain and he said that was unexpected. He also said that he wishes I would have told him earlier. (I don't know how I was supposed to know that, which he also said, but he knows now.) Then, he went in to dig out some crud from my sinuses, and I had a vasovagal response where I almost passed out. (This has happened before, I think when they hit a certain nerve up there.) So, he gave me some different antibiotics to take in case I was getting an infection.
Then, we head to Walgreen's to fill my prescription and then over the Guard Tower to get some D&D minis. I found three that I liked. As we were checking out of the Guard Tower my stomach started to hurt a little bit. Then, I got in the car and it started to hurt more. By the time we pulled out of the parking lot I was having the worst pain of my life. My stomach was cramping so bad that I couldn't talk, or think, or see. It eased up after a few minutes, and some frantic driving from Wayland who was trying to find a hospital. But, then the pain came back on strong. By the time we got to the hospital it was excruciating again. Wayland ran in and got some help and came out followed by a man with a wheelchair. As I was wheeled in the pain started to lessen again and I was able to give my name and date of birth. I had one more wave of pain as I got my IV started. The whole thing lasted about 45 minutes or so. I hope I never have anything like that ever again.
Recently, my dear friend, Joe was treating me with some Reiki and taught me about Shanti. "Peace with every breath," he said. Somewhere in the midst of the pain I could hear him in my head. I could feel his hands on my stomach holding me. I could hear him whisper "shanti" into my ear. I held my hands on my stomach and tried to take deep, relaxing breaths. I chanted "shanti" over and over again. As the pain subsided for the last time in the hospital, I begged the goddess Epona to give me strength and take the pain away. She did.
So maybe this entry is about my spirituality, not my pain. Wouldn't that be nice. I've never been much of the religious type. I was raised Catholic, went to an all girls Catholic high school even. I loved my Catholic education and am thankful for it. I'm lucky to have extremely open minded parents. They never pushed religion on me, not being very religious themselves. We always believed in God and celebrated Easter and Christmas like good Christians. But, none of us were ever really strong minded Christians or Catholics.
Many of my journeys have started at the Renaissance Festival and my spiritual journey is no different. Several years ago on a wonderful vacay to New Orleans I picked up a book called Italian Witchcraft. I read that book several times, enjoying a glimpse into the life of my ancient ancestors. I just didn't know what to do with it. Recently, I've discovered that I am a Pagan through and through. I love worshiping nature and the earth. It makes sense to me. I'm free, free to worship any goddess or god that has even been worshiped by anyone, anywhere, anytime. Life makes sense and has meaning.
I wear my pentacle as a proud sign of my beliefs and practices, even though few know what it means.
Today, I'm going to cast a circle and sit awhile. I'm going to start work on cleansing my chakras and perform some Reiki to make myself feel better. I think that yesterday was a reminder. I need to take care of myself and I have the power to do it.
Hopefully, when I go see my doctors next week I will get some good news and show some improving signs of health. That's what I'm planning on anyhow.
